Trigger Warning: This article contains references to suicide which could act as triggers to some readers. If you are effected in any way please contact Samaritans on 116 123.
World Suicide Prevention Day is a day that promotes awareness, commitment and action towards preventing suicide. Suicide still seems to be a taboo subject, though so many lives are lost as a result of suicide every day.
This World Suicide Prevention Day I wanted to post something I found in my notes.
I wrote this in 2013.
What prompted me to write this? Life.
That's the simple answer.
Every waking days was painful.
I felt paralysed.
I felt pain.
I felt grief.
I felt loss.
I felt fear.
I felt emptiness.
My daylight felt like darkness.
The feelings would start with a minute, go into hours, days, weeks, months and years.
I could not understand why I felt those feelings. And I certainly did not feel I could speak about them openly. I only realised in my late 20s that I had nothing to be ashamed of, that I wasn't 'crazy'. I was struggling.
The world can look very different through the veil of depression. I am proud to say I have worked very hard to move past these feelings and that I am in a better place.
Every day I am working on stability, balance and being kind to myself.
I feel proud of myself for making it through what were some of the most difficult times in my life.
I feel my purpose and I want to live.
I want to laugh.
I want to hear the birds chirping.
I want to feel the rain on my skin.
I want to love.
I want to make you proud.
I hope sharing this can be an encouragement to anyone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts now, on 10 September itself, or in the days before and afterwards.
What feels like death and despair can become strength and survival, and sometimes all it takes are a few words from someone who can see that you have a place in the world – however impossible that might feel to believe right now. You are enough. Please stay x